The World Yorozuya Only Knows
by SSDrwh0
Summary: It's a nice and sunny day for Shinpachi, having to boss around Gintoki and Kagura... When suddenly, a cute girl was sent to force the gang to help her catch all of the spirits... This fiction may feel more like Gintama than a nice blend...


**Chapter 1 – When reading emails, please look carefully before replying.**

Shinpachi entered the living room, finding Kagura and Gintoki lying on the sofa. Shinpachi sighed, walking pass them.

"Don't you two have something better to do? We need to work on getting some money for rent."

Gintoki groaned, lazily waved his hand at Shinpachi.

"Pachi… You always complain too much without doing anything useful…"

Shinpachi leaned forward, shouting at Gintoki.

"Oi! I've been doing the groceries all week! I also did the cleaning!"

Kagura turned her head, glaring at Shinpachi.

"My head is aching with all that constant bitching you've been doing. Can you please keep it down?"

Shinpachi strolled away from them, entering Gintoki's office.

"I'm using the laptop for a bit…"

Shinpachi sat on the chair, pushing his back against it. He tilted his head, gazing upon the ceiling. _Sometimes I feel like getting away from these lazy monkeys… but I unfortunately have any other jobs to go to…_ _Sometimes it's nice for me to perhaps get away from this madness… perhaps for one day…_ Suddenly, the laptop beeped at him, catching his attention. He tilted his head, finding a strange email. He leaned forward, reading the message carefully.

_"I have sent you this email as I noticed that you are in dire need for money. If you don't wish to accept this offer for any reason, don't reply back. Dokurou."_

Shinpachi squinted his eyes, rereading the message. He leaned his head to the side, calling out for Gintoki.

"Gin-san. There's some message about a job offer."

Gintoki rolled his body around the couch.

"You can take that job. I think I'm done for the day…"

"But you haven't went outside this entire day!"

Shinpachi shook his head and sighed. _At this rate, maybe I should be the one in charge of this business… _He moved his hands around the laptop, moving the mouse to the reply button. _I gonna need more details before I can decide._ The moment he pushed it, the laptop glowed bright white. Shinpachi quickly covered his eyes and gasped. _Hey! What's going's on!_ Shinpachi slowly opened his eyes, finding a cute girl standing near him. Her pink scarf stood out of her purple clothing. Her skull-shaped headgear rested on her long tied-up black hair.

Shinpachi widened his eyes, feeling his body shaking. _Woah woah wait a minute! Who's that girl? What is she doing here? What's going on?_ The girl bowed down and greeted politely.

"Thank you for choosing me, megane-san!"

Shinpachi screamed, getting off his chair. _What does she mean by that? Are we going out? I don't know that cute girl!_ Gintoki and Kagura lifted their heads up, staring at Shinpachi. Kagura stuck out her jerky from her mouth, chewing on it.

"Did Pachi have another girlfriend?"

Gintoki groaned, placing his hands on his head.

"I can't remember… It's been years since I know him…"

Shinpachi began stuttering.

"A-a-are we g-g-going out or something?"

The girl blinked at him. She gasped, shaking her head and putting her hands out.

"Ah… no… we're just buddies. We're not allowed to engage in such relationships as that!"

Shinpachi paused. He then scratched his head, chuckling nervously.

"Oh… I thought for a moment that I somehow got blackmailed into drinking-"

He opened his eyes in realization.

"Hey wait! I've never seen you before!"

The girl closed her eyes, scratching her head.

"Eh… We just became buddies… this is a part of the contract…"

Shinpachi's head spun around in circles.

"… What contract…"

He felt his neck being funny, prompting his hand to touch it. His fingers rubbed around a shiny metal surface.

"Huh?"

He faced the mirror, widening his eyes.

"What's that collar on my neck? It wasn't on there a few minutes ago!"

Gintoki and Kagura walked towards him, pulling their collars around.

"What's going on Pachi? What did you do to us?"

"My neck's itchy! Get it off me!"

The girl held her hands out, giving Shinpachi her concerned look.

"Please don't do anything rash. Your collar might chop your head off if you do something the chief doesn't approve of…"

The group blinked at the girl. In a sudden fit of rage, Shinpachi shook the girl hard.

"WHY DID YOU DO THAT TO ME FOR? I'VE NEVER DONE ANYTHING WRONG!"

Gintoki shook Shinpachi hard, pulling him away from the girl.

"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO US? I BET YOU JUST CLICK ON THE DAMN EMAIL AND GAVE ALL OF US A DAMN VIRUS!"

Shinpachi screamed.

"IT HAD NO ATTACHMENTS OR LINKS THAT COULD GIVE OUT VIRUSES! AND NO HUMAN OR AMANTO WOULD EVER GET VIRUSES FROM COMPUTERS!"

Kagura knocked out Gintoki and Shinpachi out of the house.

"YOU BASTARDS RUINED MY LIFE! NOW THERE'S NO CHANCE FOR ME TO DO ANY GROWING UP!"

* * *

Gintoki, Shinpachi and Kagura lined up, gazing upon the girl bowing down.

"I'm sorry for causing all of this trouble! I haven't introduced myself yet."

Gintoki sighed, folding his arms.

"Okay, what do you want from us?"

The girl lifted her head up.

"My name is Elsie. I'm here to capture all spirits around this district who have escaped from new hell's seal. The seal was recently broken, and so we need your help."

The girl called Elsie blinked at Gintoki hiding underneath a couch.

"What are you doing?"

Gintoki pulled his head away from the couch, holding a coin.

"I was looking for this for days… Now I have enough to buy some strawberry parfait."

Shinpachi leaned forward.

"Don't tell me you're still afraid of ghosts!"

Gintoki shift his eyes to Shinpachi.

"I said I was looking for this, now didn't I?"

He shifted his eyes back to Elsie.

"So what can we do to help?"

Elsie held her finger out, giving out her cheery smile.

"The spirits usually hide inside any woman filled with negativity. You have to fill them up with love in order to push them out of their hearts."

Shinpachi blinked at her.

"What do you mean by love exactly?"

Elsie placed her hands on Shinpachi's shoulders.

"You have to make them fall in love with you. One kiss should suffice."

Shinpachi paused, staring at her. He placed his hands on his head, screaming out loud.

"WHO DO YOU THINK I AM TO ACCEPT THIS JOB? I'VE NEVER MADE ANYONE FALL IN LOVE BEFORE!"

Elsie dropped her broom, kneeling on the ground and crying.

"I'M SUCH AN IDIOT! I'LL MAKE THIS MISTAKE UP BY DYING WITH YOU! I ALSO HAVE THE COLLAR!"

"WHO THE HELL DO YOU WORK FOR! I WANT TO SEE YOUR BOSS ABOUT THIS!"

Shinpachi widened his eyes, finding Kagura and Gintoki glaring at him. Kagura clenched her fists tightly.

"How dare you make an innocent girl cry? Her future is wasted thanks to you…"

Gintoki's eyes twitched.

"Never mind about that girl! Our future is wasted thanks to that idiot…"

Kagura and Gintoki jumped onto Shinpachi, bashing him up.

* * *

Shinpachi sat outside the house, feeling his eyes droopy and his body aching. _Not only did I get myself out of my usual madness, I unwittingly walked into an even greater madness… Now there's no point in living anymore…_ Gintoki opened the door and sat next to Shinpachi.

"I didn't think you've got us into a greater mess than what we usually do. I don't know what you're gonna do next…"

Shinpachi turned his head, glaring at Gintoki.

"I've asked you about the email and you just told me to have a look at it!"

"Don't try playing the blame game, Pachi!"

"You're the only playing the blame game on me!"

Gintoki sighed, handing over a piece of paper.

"Since we're all stuck thanks to you, I guess I'll try helping you out."

Shinpachi snatched the paper from Gintoki, reading it carefully.

"Name: Yuki Tamuka. Age: 17. Birthdate: The 2nd of May. Class: 2-B. Blood Type: A. Hobbies-"

Shinpachi bashed Gintoki's head, pushing him to the ground.

"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU JUST GIVE ME?! ARE YOU TRYING TO MAKE ME A STALKER?!"

Gintoki groaned in pain, resting his head on the floor.

"That Elsie girl wanted to give you this. She said something about capturing that girl's heart…"

Shinpachi sighed. _Figures…_ Shinpachi shifted his eyes back to the paper.

"Hobbies: Computer programming, dancing and singing."

Shinpachi paused.

"Huh? Are those actually her hobbies?"

Kagura walked out of the house, gazing upon Shinpachi.

"I forgive you Pachi, even if you were a moron for getting me into this mess."

Shinpachi turned his head, glaring at Kagura.

"I didn't know it was going to happen…"

Shinpachi shifted his eyes to Kagura's neck.

"Huh? What happened to your neck?"

Kagura held out her broken collar.

"My neck gotten itchy to a point where I needed to take it off."

Kagura walked away from Gintoki and Shinpachi.

"I'm picking up Sadaharu."

Gintoki and Shinpachi widened their eyes, holding their hands out.

"WAIT! WHY DON'T YOU TAKE OFF OUR COLLARS?!"

Kagura shrugged.

"Not my problem! You two needed to be taught a lesson!"

* * *

Gintoki, Elsie and Shinpachi sat on the tree branch, gazing upon the students playing volleyball. Shinpachi turned his head to Elsie.

"Where are we?"

Elsie watched Yuki sitting on a bench.

"This school is called the Kabuki District High. I heard that this is the only school that has most of the modern day facilities borrowed from the Amanto. It's also the only school that's only exclusive to humans."

Gintoki picked his nose, gazing upon Yuki's long hair.

"You said she's a computer programmer. Why does she look like some high school girl wanting to follow fashion models and hot boys?"

Elsie placed her finger near her cheeks.

"Umm… I'm not quite sure…"

Shinpachi sighed, watching Yuki walk away from her bench. _Not only smart but beautiful… This is a lot harder than expected._ He turned his head to Gintoki.

"Gin-san. What do you think we should do?"

Gintoki shrugged.

"The only way to get close to her is by attending the same school as that girl. And even then, we don't have enough money for school..."

Elsie raised her hand up.

"My chief can provide the needs for one of you to enter there. We can help you in any way possible, but you two are the only ones who can make her fall in love."

* * *

Shinpachi strolled through the school corridors, gazing upon the sign "2-B". _So this is what high school is like… It's such a shame that I spent almost my entire life trying to keep my fathers' dojo…_ Shinpachi grew a small grin. _At least I get to experience the life of a normal teenage boy that way… maybe this greater madness I'm in isn't really bad after all…_ Shinpachi opened the door, entering his class. He widened his eyes, finding Gintoki standing near the whiteboard.

"Ah… You must be the new transfer student."

Shinpachi pointed his hands at Gintoki.

"What are you doing here?"

Gintoki adjust his glasses carefully.

"I work at this school. And you should refer to me as Ginpachi-sensei or sensei."

Shinpachi leaned forward.

"Oi! Don't just use the last half of my first name to give yourself a fake name!"

Gintoki sighed.

"Please stop talking. Class has already started and you're making yourself a bad impression by disrupting the class."

"What about my introduction then? Don't I get one at least?"

"No. You've already disrupted the class. Now please sit down."

Shinpachi shook his head before strolling towards an empty seat. He sat down, gazing upon Yuki. _This is what she looks like up close. She really looks beautiful. It's a real surprise that she does computer programming…_ He shifted his eyes to Gintoki writing on the whiteboard.

"Today, we're going to study the meaning of this kanji. Now, can anyone tell me what this is?"

He turned around, pointing his hand.

"Yes Kagura-san."

Shinpachi turned his head, widening his eyes at Kagura wearing her fake glasses.

"Sensei. You've written the kanji wrong! There's supposed to be squiggly lines there!"

Gintoki pointed his marker at the kanji.

"This line needs no squiggly lines. All of them should be straight."

"I agree with Kagura-chan, sensei – you've written the kanji wrong. There should only be a few curved lines there."

Shinpachi turned his head, dropping his jaws at the sight of his sister sitting next to Kagura. _What's going on? Why is Kagura-chan and Anu-e here?_ Gintoki shifted his eyes to Otae.

"All of the kanji characters only consist of straight lines. Please remember this for your upcoming test, class."

"Sensei! I need to defend Otae-san in anyway possible! So therefore, I cannot agree with the statement you just made."

Shinpachi's body trembled at the sight of Kondo standing behind Otae. _Why is that stalker bothering Anu-e? And why is he sitting behind her! This isn't a good setup for him to try socializing with Anu-e! Hey wait! Why am I talking about how he could approach anu-e better? I don't want him to be my brother in law!_ Hijikata stood up from the other side, shouting at Konda.

"Commander! You shouldn't be exposing yourself recklessly! What happens if Katsura's here?"

Shinpachi placed his hands on his cheeks. _Don't tell me that the Shinsengumi are at this school! And wait… don't tell me-_ Shinpachi turned his head to Katsura standing up near Shinpachi.

"You were all fools for revealing yourselves so easily. This allows me to escape unharmed!"

Elizabeth shook his head, holding out a sign. _Good job revealing yourself too… -_- _Kondo and Hijikata drew out their swords.

"Aha! We found you!"

"You're coming with us!"

Katsura and Elizabeth ran around the classroom, being chased after Hijikata and Konda. Gintoki sighed, shaking his head.

"I've been told that this class is the most disruptive out of all of the classes here."

Gintoki grabbed Katsura, Elizabeth, Hijikata and Kondo.

"You're all coming with me to the principal's office."

He carried the hooligans out of the classroom.

"The rest of you, read page 105 in your textbook while I'm away. Sadaharu, please keep an eye on the students for me…"

Shinpachi cocked his eyebrows. _Wait… Sadaharu?_

Sadaharu locked Shinpachi's head with his mouth, making him scream in pain.

* * *

Shinpachi sighed, gazing upon his bento. _I need to stop telling my sister things like this…_ He groaned at the sight of burnt omelet sitting inside. He shifted his eyes, gazing upon Kagura and Otae talking to Yuki. _I guess I better start talking to Yuki-san. After all, I need to start making her fall in love._ His heart started freezing. _But… I'm not sure if I can do this… I can't tell what I should do with someone who's both beautiful and smart… in fact, she surpasses expectations of any girl I've met…_ Shinpachi rested his head on the desk. _I'm screwed… There's no way I can make her fall in love with me…_

"Hey Pachi. Why aren't you talking to her yet?"

Shinpachi turned his head, finding Gintoki standing next to him.

"I should be the one asking. Why are you and the others here? I thought that only one person should be the one going in the classroom."

Gintoki placed his shoulders on Shinpachi's shoulders.

"We all know that you wouldn't be able to get another girlfriend after your ex has left you!"

Shinpachi's head ached with anger. _She only left me because she tried stealing my possessions… And she's not exactly my girlfriend._ Gintoki lifted his hands out of Shinpachi's shoulders, walking away from him.

"Just be glad that I convinced that Elsie girl to make some exceptions."

Shinpachi sighed. _Exceptions my ass! He somehow managed to smuggle a lot of people into this school…_ He stood up from the desk, walking towards Yuki. _I hope Kagura-chan and Anu-e were helping me trying to get close to her._ Suddenly, Kagura and Otae turned their heads, giving Shinpachi the evil eye.

"What are you doing here new transfer student? This spot is for girls only!"

"Yu-chan doesn't need losers like you hanging around!"

Shinpachi held his hands out.

"Hey! Don't act like you don't know me well! And you're supposed to help me, not hinder me!"

"Calm down Ka-chan and O-chan."

Shinpachi turned his head to Yuki smiling at him.

"I think he's a nice and lovely person. Why don't you let him sit near us?"

Shinpachi gasped, feeling his heart beating fast. _Ka-wa-iii! I can't believe she's so nice! And she's considerate too!_ Shinpachi sat next to Yuki, smiling at her.

"Why thank you, Yuki-san."

Suddenly, Yuki punched him in the face, knocking him back away from her. He groaned, feeling his body hitting the wall. Yuki stood up, waving her fist around.

"How do you know my name, bastard?!"

Shinpachi poured out tears from her eyes. _Not only smart and beautiful… but strong too…_

* * *

Shinpachi and Gintoki sat on the bench, tilting their head down.

"I can't believe I screwed up so easily… now I'm not sure if I'll get a second chance…"

"I can't believe you called her name without asking her for it first…"

"At this rate, I'll may as well die right now."

Elsie stood in front of Gintoki and Shinpachi, shouting at them.

"Please don't give up yet! We still have a chance to make her fall in love!"

Gintoki and Shinpachi shifted their eyes, watching Yuki being scolded by a PE teacher. Shinpachi shook his head.

"It's no use. She's a beautiful, smart, strong girl and I'm just a poor honest boy having to put up with my boss' shenanigans…"

Gintoki turned his head, glaring at Shinpachi.

"Do you know how much I have to pay for all of you money-hungry pigs?"

Shinpachi glared back at Gintoki.

"You lazy freeloading greedy buffoon! You never give me or Kagura any pay!"

Elsie closed her eyes, waving her hands.

"Please don't fight over each other! We can't afford to waste time."

Shinpachi and Gintoki stood up, feeling their bodies renewed with vigor.

"You're right! This is too soon for me to die!"

"I at least wanted to get over a thousand dollars worth of salary for me to get a decent living!"

Shinpachi shifted his eyes, finding Yuki running around the track with other girls. She began panting heavily, feeling sweat coming out of her body.

"Huh? Is Yuki-san going to be fine?"

Gintoki scratched his head.

"Isn't she supposed to be good at sports?"

Suddenly, she collapsed on the ground, prompting everyone to run towards her. Elsie ran around, screaming in fear.

"Oh no! Yuki-san's not feeling well! The spirit is trying to make her weaker!"

Shinpachi turned his head around, shouting at her.

"What do you mean the spirit's trying to weaken her? Are you saying that all spirits are dangerous?"

* * *

Elsie, Gintoki and Shinpachi stood around Yuki, making them sigh.

"Most spirits living inside a woman's heart are mostly harmless… I conducted the search on her body, and this spirit is no exception…"

Shinpachi gazed upon Yuki's sleeping face.

"Then what could've possibly made her fall ill?"

"Isn't it obvious?"

Shinpachi turned his head to Gintoki, witnessing Gintoki's nostalgic face.

"Her skin is a lot paler than most students around this school. And she collapsed when she was out in the sun for a long period of time…"

Shinpachi widened her eyes.

"You don't mean that…"

Gintoki nodded his head.

"She's just like Kagura…"

Shinpachi turned his head back to Yuki. _A Yato Clansman…_ A voice of Kagura whispered inside Shinpachi's head. _I'm not exactly proud of my own race, but I'm going to change the nature of it in order to keep doing the things I love!_

"It kinda saddens me to see her being ashamed of her race. I can understand why she's trying to hide her past."

Gintoki turned his head to Elsie.

"If what you said about the spirits hiding inside a woman with high amounts of negativity are true, wouldn't it be a bit pointless to make her fall in love?"

Elsie shrugged.

"I've been informed that she needed to be filled with love in order to catch that spirit."

"Maybe your boss is wrong… Maybe she needed something else…"

* * *

Yuki gazed upon the window, watching the sun setting down. She sighed, feeling her heart aching. _It's useless… no matter what I do… I think everyone's going to know about my secret…_ She shed a few tears, closing her eyes. _Why do I have to be a part of the Yato tribe? Why can't I be a normal human being like the others in Edo?_ She wiped the tears from her face. _There's nothing I can do… I'm doomed to become a monster just like other Yato clansmen…_ Gintoki opened the curtains, drawing her attention.

"I like you to meet someone, Tamuka-san."

Kagura entered through the curtains, smiling at Yuki.

"Yu-chan. I heard that you're from the Yato tribe!"

Yuki faced away from Kagura and sighed.

"I see that some other people found out about me…"

"Well I knew you were one of them the moment I've met you. I'm also from that tribe!"

Yuki widened her eyes, turning her head back to Kagura.

"Really? But how did you get into this school without them finding out?"

Kagura shrugged.

"I dunno really. But there's no reason to be completely ashamed of our own race… Sure we may become bloodthirsty savages one day, but I still look forward to doing all the things a normal girl would do!"

Yuki leaned forward.

"Really? You can live with that?"

Kagura shrugged.

"I can try changing the way us Yato clansmen do, but that doesn't make I'm ashamed of who I really am! I have many friends who love me for the way I am!"

Shinpachi stood besides Kagura, smiling at her.

"If you really need our help, we're here to help! We're also a Yorozuya!"

Her eyes watered, dripping tears through her cheeks. She started forming a grin.

"This is the first time that people like you acknowledged me as more than just a person from the Yato tribe… Thank you… everyone…"

Suddenly, her body glowed, forcing Gintoki, Shinpachi and Kagura to cover their faces. A huge spirit emerged out of Yuki, escaping through the window. Elsie blocked the Spirit's way, opening up a huge jar. The spirit wailed, feeling its body being sucked into it. She closed the jar, making it shrink.

"I caught an escaped spirit!"

* * *

Shinpachi gazed upon his notebook, writing down his thoughts.

_After we helped Elsie-san capture a spirit, Yuki-san's doing good all on her own. She's acknowledged as the first Amanto to be in a human-only school and many people loved her more than ever. Many boys there wanted to go out with her, but she used her force to give them her answer! There have been rumors of an Amanto exchange student program being implemented for humans to get along well with other foreign creatures. Overall, I think everything's a lot better than before…_

He shifted his eyes to his collar.

"BUT WHY AM I STILL WEARING THAT DAMN COLLAR?!"

Gintoki kicked the door out of his way, glaring at Shinpachi.

"I thought you've got rid of the collars Pachi!"

Shinpachi leaned forward.

"She said that she'd have our collars taken off when we captured all of the spirits! Speaking of her, where is she?"

Elsie stood near Shinpachi, scratching her head.

"Uhhh, about that… There are over 9000 spirits to catch in total…"

Gintoki and Shinpachi dropped their jaws, widening their eyes.

"WHAT?! IT'S OVER 9000?!"

Gintoki and Shinpachi fell on the ground, groaning with frustration.

"We're done for… We're going to be working off our asses forever…"

"Kagura-chan… Please take off our collars..."

Shinpachi lifted his head up.

"Speaking of which, do we get some money for this job?"

Elsie handed a few notes over to Shinpachi and Gintoki, having them examine it. Shinpachi squinted at a few digits printed on the note.

"500 yen? Is that it?"

Elsie chuckled nervously.

"Most of the pay cut goes to the expenses being paid for this mission…"

Shinpachi sighed, tilting his head down.

"This can't get any worse…"

* * *

**Author's Note:** I just like to get this out of my chest, so I'm not sure if there will be a sequel to it... Unless some people wanted this to continue of course!


End file.
